Sunday, June 30, 2013

Why WAHMS/SAHMS Get Stressed Out Too

Source here.
"E di ang dami mong free time?"
"Wow, nakakainggit ka naman, buhay donya ka siguro."
"Relax relax ang lifestyle mo 'no?"
"Hindi ka ba naiinip?"
"Mahirap kaya ang buhay ngayon, bakit ayaw mo magtrabaho?"

These are just some of the 'innocent' comments people had made when I tell them I'm a stay-at-home mom - my follow-up of 'but I do work online too...' doesn't seem to count as a 'job' for them. 

Heniway, whether or not I work online, the connotation of the words I-stay-at-home seem to mean I live a  blissful, unaffected by stress kind of life. I thought that way too (about stay-at-home moms) when I was the one working in an office...But I have to come forward now and admit: I WAS SUPER WRONG (ng bonggang bongga!).

I have been a WAHM since January of 2010, so as of this post's writing, my at-home career has been ongoing for more than 3 years now. And I tell you, I find myself stretched out thin a looot of times. As in a loooot. No idea why? Well, here are some of the reasons:

1. WAHMs/SAHMs take on double (or triple? or basta madaming times) the pressure. You know that nagging feeling of wanting to be good at everything you do? That plus the actual expectations of people around you equals a crazy amount of pressure. Where do I get the pressure from?

Well yours truly takes the top post - I demand more of myself than myself can take sometimes. I want to be the best mom, the best housewife, the best writer, the best freelancer, the best neighbor, the best bantay-sa-school, the best tagaprepare ng baon, the best tutor, the best employer, the best seller (at one point), the best repairman, the best finance manager --- and other 'bests' in the countless tasks at home and with my online work. Imagine having that much pressure, in addition to the expectations of a husband, a daughter, a family, a yaya, a teacher, online bosses (I have three to directly report to) - ay pressure cooker talaga ang peg dito sa bahay.

I'm sure a lot of WAHMs and SAHMs out there feel the same. Talk about having every family member as  a boss - ayayay. Pressure x kalurkang number of times. 

2. WAHMs/SAHMs don't have 'break times', vacation leaves, or sick leaves. We're just human, we get tired too. BUT, this particular group of humans aren't actually given that 'regular' break time. Some can take their snacks and just eat at a designated time, not needing to work on anything else besides their food. We on the other hand find ourselves eating and ironing at the same time (doing more of the latter than the former) just to make sure everyone gets neatly pressed clothes. We can choose to take a leisurely siesta, but would have to face the mountain of dishes and laundry patiently waiting for our calloused hands (drama, may kalyo talaga) later. Epitome of multi-tasking kami more than 8 hours a day. And when our katawang-lupa finally gives in and gets all kinds of sick or stressed - well, we can't actually call in and say "SL muna ako today" or "VL muna ako for one week". Even when we are in our sickbed, we are expected to make sure the needs of the little ones and the comforts of home life are still provided. Pano? Secret - magic magic. :-)

3. WAHMs/SAHMs have to face the expectation of being superhuman. Ito yung masaklap eh. People think we have all the time in the world to do anything and everything. When in fact, just taking care of kids is enough to occupy an entire day, and I mean every waking hour. But noooo, there are some who would demand of us to do this and that, oh and this and that too, oh and this too for them, just because they're busy 'at work' (in the office). Hay guys, if you only knew how our brains are steamed, boiled, deep fried, and grilled na sa kakaisip kung paano pagkasyahin ang 24 hours for all the things we have to accomplish in one day. Sometimes sleep takes the last slot in the equation - so kung umalis kang gising ako, pagbalik mo, gising pa din ako (#walangtulugan )! We don't have superpowers, but we have lots of dedication and passion - and that's quite a potent combination.

4. WAHMs/SAHMs get frustrated too! Being able to stay at home and be physically present to take care of the kid/s and manage home matters is truly a rewarding and blessed state. BUUUUT, that doesn't mean we don't feel a tad depressed at seeing someone get promoted, or travel to various destinations monthly, or even take home a Christmas noche buena package. Our rewards are the sweetest smiles, hugs, and kisses - but those wonderful things can't really buy us anything. Hehe.

May material needs din naman ang mga lola nyo - ano kami bato? Affected din kami sa sale ng Forever21 na hindi namin mapuntahan dahil pambili na lang ng gatas yung pera. Affected din kami sa opening ng iHop na hindi namin makainan because we're saving up the money pambayad ng kuryente. Affected much din kami sa 13th month bonus --- na wala kami. :-) So yeah sure, we get to spend every waking and sleeping hour with the bagets and the hubs when he's home, pero naman, in reality (unless we're literally born with a golden spoon) we have less to spend monetarily - and you know how that can get frustrating.

See? Being a stay-at-home-diva isn't all sunshine and butterflies - in fact, it's not easy at all. Ours can be considered a 'career' - take into consideration the demands, the responsibilities - oh but with a different set of benefits and renumeration. Hehe.

Sa mga winning comments mentioned at the start of this post, o eto na ang mga responses ko. :-) How I wish all your thoughts about WAHM/SAHMhood are true - I swear, especially the buhay donya part, ay wish ko rin yan ng bongga. :)

My life as a queen of the home is not what many think it is. It's not what I thought it would be actually. Personally though, I think becoming a WAHM is the best decision I have made ever - every day is a loving sacrifice I make for my family, and it definitely makes life sweeter and more meaningful.


  1. Sis, thank you for posting this. Lahat na ata ng rants ko sa buhay eh nasabi mo na sa blog mo na to. Akala nila madali maging WAHM at "nasa bahay ka lang" is an ideal way of life. Hay..... salamat at hindi ako nag iisa. Kahit isa lang anak ko pero ako pa rin lahat ang gumagawa sa bahay! Naku... pero fulfilling din in a sense na you get to watch your kids grow up and do things for them na hindi mo nagagawa when you were still working outside of home. Tama ka din sa hindi makalabas, makakain sa bonggang restos when you want to try them out because you have limited income that "fits" the bills and payments. Zagu na lang ata mabibili ko sa sobrang pera ko pag payday. Haha.

    1. Agree ako dyan sis! Minsan nga yung ipang-Zagu mo na lang, maiisip mo pa "Ay ang cute ng clip na ito for my kid" Goodbye Zagu, pero may bagong hair clips si bagets. Hehe. :D

      We're in the right spot in the world being WAHMs though, kakaibang privilege being able to have a job while being physically present pa din for our kids. :) Di nga lang madali palagi, pero di naman ibig sabihin it's a good spot, that it's always great di ba? Kumbaga eh, kasama sa trabaho ang mga sacrifices natin - sana nga lang mas maintindihan tayo ng mga tao sa paligid. :D

      Apir to WAHMhood sis Brendz!